Its amazing how one defining moment or instance can totally change you and set you on a completely different path.. A week and a half ago, I found myself in a major fight with someone I care for and love deeply.. We were yelling and very upset and frustrated and confused and did not know where to proceed.. We both thought it was over.. We had had the disagreement many times before and did not see change in the future.. No one had changed before, why should now be any different?..
But for some reason, it was.. That argument/fight/disagreement/frustration was a major turning point.. And it really wasn’t even resolved, we just sort of went our separate ways and agreed to give each other some time.. And then, it was as though something inside of me clicked.. It was like it took all those other fights leading up to that moment for me to “get it” or realize or finally begin to change.. But I honestly haven’t even felt as though I am doing anything different, just I am not reacting and feeling the way I used to..
Whether we realize it or not, we are changing all the time.. Maybe this time I just realized it and I have seen my attitude shift.. I have seen the difference in me, and it is not forced.. It seems so natural now and I wonder why I haven’t just done this in the first place.. Maybe when you want something bad enough, change is out of your control.. You just have to let it go, stop trying to control every aspect, and just go with the flow.. Maybe then you will become the person you want to be.. All I know is, that ever since that awful moment, something in me has changed and I believe I am working towards the better person I want to be.. I am practicing good actions and feelings and thoughts so that one day I won’t have to make a conscious effort anymore; rather, it will be natural and hopefully I will continue working to be a better person for myself and others.. I just want to be the good person that God created me to be and live up to His plan.. I just need to stay focused on this path, be flexible to change, and trust in God’s plan.. Once His will is at my center, then I will become the person I was meant to be
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